I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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