I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
two words...techno handjob
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
my poor anus
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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