Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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