When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
