i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
