Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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