cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
