4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
