I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
