stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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