I accidentally had phone sex last night
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
lets start a swedish sibling band together
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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