I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
