shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
