im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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