She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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