Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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