I think my fart just growled at me.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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