I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
