don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
