In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
i out mim tonsoeep
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