Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
