You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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