Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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