I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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