i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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