Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Randomize
