I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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