Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
