Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Randomize
