i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
