On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
