Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
