this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
