Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
