if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
