I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
