it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
