So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
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