I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize
