Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
