I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
