I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
