Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
