Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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