Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
