She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
