piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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