Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
