my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
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