i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
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