I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
