wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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