Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
So much Jack, so little girl.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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