There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
