she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Randomize
