wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
