Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
