Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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