you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
