My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
