My brain says no but my pants say off.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
