That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
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you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
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Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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