I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
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