I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
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I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize