I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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