...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
