I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Randomize
