i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Drake has all the answers
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
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