Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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