i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Randomize
