I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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