yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
