Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Randomize
