I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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