Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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