help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
