Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
