Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
